Sober Roommates & Sober Living in New Jersey

Having a sober roommate offers many additional advantages for long-term recovery. They provide peer accountability on a daily basis, support for establishing structure in your life, lessen the isolation created by addiction, encourage engagement in recovery activities together, and provide emotional support. Structured sober living homes provide certified sober living environments with rules established and monitored. Informally developed relationships involving a sober roommate allow dispersed flexibility in housing and lower cost options.

Sober Living Complements Clinical Treatment

Where you go for continuing care should not be confused with where you will live or with whom you will live. Continuing care typically includes outpatient treatment, therapy, and peer support systems, and in many cases is provided following the cessation of chemical dependency but not in place of professionally supervised and coordinated care.

Where you live, as well as the people you live with, has a great impact on how successfully you will be able to maintain your sobriety and build a positive recovery-oriented lifestyle. Sober roommates and sober living homes offer housing options specifically designed for individuals in recovery, where living substance-free is the priority of the entire household. At the New Jersey Behavioral Health Center, we recognize that your recovery will impact every aspect of your daily life, including the place(s) where you live and who you live with.

You may have basic questions regarding what it means to have a sober roommate or to live in a sober living home. Sober roommates are defined as individuals who are mutually committed to living a substance-free lifestyle and/or living a substance-free lifestyle. You may have your own personal definition of what it means to have a sober roommate; however, the definitions of a sober roommate or living in a sober living home will typically include having established house rules, having a formal accountability component, attending house meetings, being provided supervision, and possibly having the benefit of an on-site house manager. Most sober living homes in New Jersey are certified by independent organizations, and the certification organizations have detailed criteria that their homes must meet with regard to providing support and maintaining quality, including security, structure, and accountability.

In addition to these benefits, there are also cost savings associated with having a sober roommate or living in a sober living home compared to living alone, as well as community support to mitigate feelings of isolation while providing stability during your transition from treatment to independent living. Depending on where you are in your recovery journey and the level of accountability you desire, as well as whether you are looking for a structured environment or a flexible environment, you have a variety of options available to you.

To find a sober roommate

You may create an online profile on a specialized matching platform such as MySoberRoommate. You create a profile regarding your lifestyle preferences, addiction recovery status, housing location needs, and roommate preferences, which allows you to connect with other sober roommates. You will have the opportunity to review each other’s profiles and communicate prior to committing to a partnership, thereby giving you control over who you are compatible with while providing mutual commitments to sober living.

You may also consider using Treatment Alumni Communities to connect with other individuals with whom you formed friendships during treatment. Depending on how close these friendships were, it is possible that those friendships will develop into a partnership for shared sober living after you have completed your treatment. Treatment alumni communities provide an opportunity for you to connect with other individuals in recovery openly and honestly.

Legal and Practical Implications

When it comes to lease agreements or sober living agreements, make sure you have read them carefully! Make sure that you have a thorough understanding of your financial obligations regarding:

• Rent and utilities
• Security deposit
• The procedure for moving out
• Guest policy
• Smoking and pet policy
• Notice policy

If you are in a structured home, printed contracts may be provided clarifying your expected behavior, the consequences for failing to adhere to the rules and conditions for remaining in the home.

Make sure that you and your roommate(s) have clearly defined expectations regarding shared utilities as well as grocery and household supply costs. Financial disagreements between roommates create unnecessary tension, which makes recovery much more difficult.

Understanding How the Support of Roommates Aids Long-Term Recovery

Roommates Create Daily Emotional and Social Support, along with Accountability

The greatest risk for relapse is isolation. If you live with a sober roommate(s), you will have an emotional support system that understands the challenges of being sober. If you experience cravings, your roommate(s) will be there to support you in the moment, so you will not have to deal with these triggers alone. It allows your roommate(s) to notice when you may be demonstrating behavior(s) that indicate you may be at higher risk of relapsing, giving them the opportunity to intervene proactively.

Structure and Routine

Structure in a sober living environment is visible in the type of daily routine developed through agreements. Each of the routines has a specific purpose in supporting healthy habits by providing the tools needed to establish a predictable environment. Even informal arrangements for gatherings (shared meals and evening walks) may support your ability to maintain long-term sobriety.

Incorporating Recovery Programs with Sober Living

Many residents of sober living facilities attend AA, NA, or other similar recovery programs. Having roommates who are members of the same recovery program is helpful in regard to transportation and motivation. Living in close proximity to outpatient treatment programs is also beneficial.

Emotional Wellness and Support

Living in a sober environment with peers has a significant impact on emotional wellness. Recovery from any addiction can leave feelings of isolation. Living with peers provides a sense of community, allowing you to be entirely honest about your struggles, without fear of being judged. Celebrating the milestones of addiction recovery creates positive reinforcement. Friendships formed while living in a sober facility often turn into long-lasting friendships.

Sober Roommates vs Sober Living Homes — A Comparison

Informal Roommate Arrangement

An informal roommate arrangement allows for:

• Flexibility in house rules
• Lower costs
• More independence to select your roommate(s)
• Greater privacy (without being monitored)
• Flexibility to establish your own routine

On the contrary, the informal roommate agreement allows for the potential of enabling you if boundaries are not established. It also has the potential to provide you with less support in the event of a conflict.

Structured Sober Living Facility

A structured sober living facility has:

• Established rules
• A superior level of accountability through professional supervision
• Peer support from multiple residents
• Clear and enforceable consequences for rule violations
• Often provides access to additional resources in the local area

Some trade-offs of structured arrangements are that they are generally more expensive than informal arrangements, and therefore place a greater financial burden on those who live in them. There is also less flexibility and more restrictions on guests and pets.

When to Think About Each Type: A structured sober living home is generally the best option for early recovery, as it provides the best opportunity for success through increased accountability. However, as your recovery progresses and you have developed strong coping skills, an informal roommate option may be more appropriate for you, while still maintaining the benefits of a sober environment.

Situations Where You Should Seek Further Assistance

While sober living provides peer support, it does not replace the need for clinical treatment. If you experience any of the following, you should seek professional assistance:

• Cravings that increase in intensity
• Symptoms of mental health concerns or increased difficulty managing your emotions
• Conflicts that are unmanageable and/or thoughts about leaving sober living
• Relapse

New Jersey Behavioral Health Center has Intensive Outpatient Programs and Outpatient Counseling, as well as Dual Diagnosis Treatment for Co-Occurring Conditions and Relapse Prevention for individuals experiencing multiple co-occurring problems. We work closely with our clients to assist them in developing a comprehensive plan that incorporates both sober living and clinical care, so our clients can develop sustainable strategies to keep them focused on their recovery.

Contact us today to discuss how New Jersey Behavioral Health Center can assist you in developing a plan for living in a sober home, receiving clinical care, receiving peer support, and developing long-term wellness strategies to support your recovery and stability.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I find a sober roommate in New Jersey?

MySoberRoommate’s network, treatment alumni networks, community recovery and treatment centers (such as www.ReachNJ.org), sober living home directories, local recovery meeting flyers/announcements, and NJ211 housing resources all facilitate the process for finding sober roommates in New Jersey. Setting up a profile on the platforms and networking within recovery communities can help you match with potential roommates.

What is the difference between roommates living together sober vs. sober living homes?

Sober roommates form informal peer support arrangements and are persons who are in recovery, sharing living space and an equal commitment to remaining sober. On the other hand, a sober living home is a structured, certified residence that follows established rules and provides the structure of accountability through regular drug testing, supervision of house managers, mandatory attendance at the recovery meeting of your choice, as well as employable support services through local recovery resources. While sober living homes offer you more structure in your recovery, an informal arrangement with a sober roommate affords you more flexibility with respect to rules.

Are sober living homes licensed or certified in New Jersey?

While many sober living homes are certified by the NJ Alliance of Recovery Residences, which sets quality standards, there are no universal certification requirements. For example, there are different standards for each of the Oxford Houses. Therefore, we recommend that you thoroughly research each sober living home prior to entering into an agreement with them.

Do sober living homes allow pets or guests?

Sober living houses have a variety of pet and guest policies. Some allow pets; others do not. Guest policies generally include restrictions on the number of guests that can stay overnight, set advance notice requirements, and/or establish limits on the length of stay. Always discuss these policies before you move in.

Does living in a sober living home count as treatment for addiction?

While sober living offers valuable peer support and a structured environment, it should not be considered a substitute for substance use or clinical addiction treatment. More importantly, sobriety should be incorporated into your overall recovery strategy. Most effective plans incorporate both sober living and outpatient therapy/counseling and, if appropriate, psychiatric care and/or participation in support groups.

What are the costs of living in a sober living home?

The cost of living in sober living homes in New Jersey ranges from approximately $500 to $2,500 per month, based upon a variety of factors including location, amenities, level of structure, and whether or not utilities are included in the rent. Generally, areas of urbanized New Jersey cost significantly more to live in than suburban/rural locations. Some sober living homes offer payment plans or will accept insurance for the associated costs.

What are the rules of sober living homes?

Common house rules of sober living homes include:

• Complete sobriety from all illegal drugs and alcohol
• Drug testing
• Mandatory house meetings
• Mandatory attendance at recovery meetings
• Curfews
• Chore responsibilities
• Employment (or pursuing a course of education)
• Restrictions on visitors
• The establishment of clear and enforceable sanctions

Specific rules vary for each house.

Can I work while living in a sober living home?

Yes, most sober living homes encourage (and often require) individuals to seek employment or pursue an education (by either enrolling in classes or obtaining a trade). Work offers individuals structure, a sense of purpose, and income to cover living expenses. In addition, the sober living homes have established guidelines regarding how long you should be in a sober living home and what types of jobs you can hold during intensive residential programs. In addition, you should discuss these guidelines with your sober living home during your initial intake.